In John 21, a risen Jesus asked Peter 3 times, "Do you love Me?" A little hurt, and probably still deeply regretting the fact that he had denied Jesus 3 times before His crucifixion, Peter replied, "Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you" (v. 15, NLT).
Then Jesus told Peter what that love would cost him:
“I assure you: When you were young, you would tie your belt and walk wherever you wanted. But when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will tie you and carry you where you don’t want to go.’ He said this to signify by what kind of death he would glorify God. After saying this, He told him, ‘Follow Me!’”
Instead of accepting Jesus' "Follow Me!" with an enthusiastic "I will, Lord!," Peter looked over at John in the distance and asked, "What about him?" (v. 21). Peter wanted to know he wasn't the only disciple who would suffer a cruel fate. But Jesus responded, "If I want [John] to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow Me" (v. 22).
In this short exchange between Jesus and Peter we see a very common trap for believers: comparing our suffering to someone else's. We need to avoid this trap at all costs; if we don't, we'll reach the conclusion without fail that our suffering is worse and that God has it out for us. This thought pattern will inevitably lead us straight into self-pity, and self-pity has the power to destroy us.
I remember listening to a Tim Keller sermon once, and he said that he doesn't allow the hymn, "Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen," to be sung at his church because it feeds into the idea that we're alone in our suffering, that we're going through something no one else has ever experienced. There's a subtle pride in this kind of thinking. Plus, it's just not true.
For one thing, the apostle Paul wrote, "The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience" (1 Cor. 10:13, NLT). Even more amazing is the fact that "this High Priest of ours [Jesus] understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin" (Heb. 4:15, NLT). The only Man who has experienced suffering that no one else has is Jesus. As F.W.H. Myers put it in his poem Saint Paul, “Desperate tides of the whole great world’s anguish forced thro’ the channels of a single heart.”
When Christians get caught up in comparison, we've likely forgotten that the moment we accepted Jesus' invitation to become a disciple, we surrendered all rights to ourselves. We gave ourselves completely over to the will of our Master to be used at His disposal (see Luke 9:23). Paul put it this way: "You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price" (1 Cor. 6:19-20). In other words, we no longer call the shots.
On the surface, it would seem like discipleship - the giving up of our rights to ourselves - is a form of enslavement. And there is, no doubt, a cost that comes with following Christ. But when we grasp the message of the gospel, we see that discipleship actually sets us free, not enslaves us. Here's what I mean:
At the heart of comparison is the search for self-worth. When I compared myself to my twin sister and "came up short," I felt that if I could just get the perfect job and the perfect husband, then I could prove that I had worth. But the gospel frees me from the tyranny of comparison and from the relentless pressure of having to prove myself because I am already proven and secure in Christ. As a disciple of Christ, my identity is no longer tied to external circumstances. Instead, I am and always will be a daughter of my Heavenly Father and a coheir with Christ. Then, out of this new identity, I can humbly "consider others as more important than [myself]" (Phil. 2:3, HCSB) and sincerely "rejoice with those who rejoice" (Rom. 12:15), even when I'm in a season of suffering. I can gladly receive what the Lord allows into my life, knowing that perfect love has written all of my days in His book before a single one came to be (Ps. 139:16). Therefore, I can trust that what He gives me (and what He withholds from me) is ultimately for my good.
Stay tuned for the final part of The Comparison Battle!