In the final part of this series, I want to talk about things we can do to help others fight comparison.
Without even knowing it, we may be feeding someone else's comparison habit. Here's what I mean: When I was single and my twin was engaged (and then married and then a mom), so many well-meaning family members and friends would say things like, "Your twin is beating you to the altar! When are you going to get married? You better hurry up and have kids; you're not getting any younger!" I even had a friend's husband ask me to tag along on a cruise with him and his wife and my twin and her husband, so that I could babysit their kids. I'm not even joking.
My point is, our seemingly innocent questions can make the single person who wants to be married (or the married couple who wants to have children, or the unemployed person who wants a job) become panicked because, once again, someone is pointing out that her life doesn't look like it "should." In my experience at least, I felt like there was a huge, cosmic timeline I wasn't keeping up with, one that said I needed to be married by this age, start a family by this age, buy a house by this age, and have a great job making X amount of money by this age. This timeline loomed over my head like a dark cloud, and when people pointed it out, it rained shame, comparison, envy, and self-pity.
I think it's important for every believer, no matter what stage of life he or she is in, to remember that, in Christ, titles like single or married, childless or parents, employed or unemployed, aren't the end-all. These titles are trumped by the only one that matters - child of God. The apostle Paul addresses a very similar issue in the churches in Galatia, although their "titles" were a little different:
“And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have put on Christ, like putting on new clothes. There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
Honestly, I think a lot of my friends and family who asked me questions like when I was going to get married and have kids were just trying to start a conversation. But my challenge to us is to think about why we place so much importance on life stages in our conversations with single people ("When are you getting married?"), or childless couples ("When are you going to have children?"), or unemployed friends (So, what do you do?"). As someone who has been on the receiving end of those questions, I can say that it makes us feel like, since we haven't reached that "milestone" on that cosmic timeline, we're somehow inferior.
This might sounds a little hokey, but, how about instead of asking about life stages, we change our conversation questions to focus on the person made in the image of Christ standing before us. "What are you passionate about? What do you feel like God is calling you to do? How can I pray for you?" These questions level the playing field, so to speak. They remind the asker and the asked that, in Christ, nothing else matters other than we are in Christ.
Christ is the end-all.