Last time, I told you about my struggle with comparison. (Click here to read The Comparison Battle - Part 1.) Well, here are a 4 practical steps I took that made the comparison battle much easier to fight.
- First, if there was someone in particular I was envious of (like my twin sister, although she certainly wasn't the only one), I made a concerted effort to compliment her, to spend time with her, and to rejoice in her rejoicing (see Rom. 12:15). You can choose to rejoice, you know. And when you make that choice, your feelings will eventually follow.
- Second, I cut off my cable. There was a period of about a year when I was really struggling, so I didn't turn on the television or watch a movie once. This might sound really bizarre, but I would find myself watching a television show, like Friends, and envying the lives of the characters - the relationships they had, the jobs they had, the fact that they were happy, etc. By the end of the show, I was bitter about my life and lonelier than ever.
I quickly learned that how I spent my time was a matter of life and death. And I chose life. So, every day, I would get home from work, I'd grab a bite to eat, and then I'd read every Christian book I could get my hands on for hours until I went to bed. Honestly, those long nights of reading were when I really got to know the Lord. I had very little to distract me and I was desperate for His help. God had me right where He wanted me!
Today, I still don't have cable. I do occasionally watch Netflix with Matt (my boyfriend, who you'll hear more about!), but I'm very cautious about what I watch and how often I watch it.
- Third, I got off social media. Social media is poison to the person who struggles with comparing herself to others. Somehow, everyone on every news feed everywhere in the world is getting married, buying houses in the suburbs, having babies, and going on exotic vacations. (Of course that's not true at all, but that's exactly how it feels to the person who doesn't have those things and wants them.)
I've since gotten back on Facebook, but my dark night of the soul has made me much more aware of what I post. It's human nature to want to post the best of times, because we naturally want people to think we have it all together. So, bearing that in mind, I ask myself a few questions when I'm thinking of updating my status: Am I just sharing this picture or writing this post because I want people to think I'm so smart and in a perfect relationship and have it all together? Am I bragging? Is this going to lead some of my friends down the road of comparison and envy, or is this actually life-giving? As you can probably imagine, I rarely post anymore.
- Fourth, I made a list of what I was thankful for, and I added something new to that list every day. This took my attention off of the things I didn't have (but wanted) and put them on the things I did have, which was a lot. This is a habit I've kept up. Every day, Matt and I name at least 3 thing we're thankful for. And we make it a point to name more on days when we're struggling to "get happy," as I like to say. (Scientific research says that gratitude actually changes your brain chemistry; it makes you happier. Click here for an article about it.)
Taking these steps didn't cure my heart problem that led me to comparison; Jesus did that. But, by taking these steps, I was able to stop feeding the comparison beast and start feeding my soul with truth. The saying is true: "Whatever you feed will grow." If we feed comparison by endlessly scrolling through Facebook or watching shows where everyone's life seems perfect to us, it will grow. But if we take steps to starve it, God will have some room to work, and comparison will die.
Stay tuned for part 3 of The Comparison Battle!