“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Nothing can make me plummet into the pit of despair quite like comparing myself to others. Comparison is one of Satan's most effective tactics because it wages war against gratitude and contentment. In the age of social media, we can always find someone who's more attractive, who's better off, and who has something we want, which can leave us feeling envious and slighted. The truth is, if we let ourselves descend into the dark abyss of comparison, it will swallow us up.
During what I now refer to as my "dark night of the soul," which was a period of about 4 years when the Lord stripped me down in every way imaginable (that's how it felt, at least), one of the many things I struggled with was comparison. I had just graduated from seminary in Chicago, broken up with my long-term boyfriend, and moved back to Nashville single, unemployed, and to the news that my twin sister was engaged.
Of course I was happy for my twin, but when I started sizing up my life against hers, I was overcome with envy. (Selfish, I know, but comparison is selfish because it ultimately asks the question, What about me?) My twin had just graduated with her Master of Accountancy and was already working full-time for one of the Big 4 accounting firms, and now she was planning her dream wedding. In my mind, she was on the right track. Me, on the other hand... my train had derailed way back there somewhere.
Me and my, twin, Ashley, when we were teeny tiny. She's the one on the right, and I'm on the left.
During this season, God mercifully led me to Psalm 73.
“Truly God is good to Israel, to those whose hearts are pure. But as for me, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone. For I envied the proud when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness. They seem to live such painless lives; their bodies are so healthy and strong. They don’t have troubles like other people; they’re not plagued with problems like everyone else.”
Envy (the result of comparison) prevented the psalmist from seeing God's goodness in his life, and that led to self-pity, which made him believe that his suffering was worse than everyone else's. That was me in a nutshell. I was sure God had it out for me, that His sole purpose was to torment me while He blessed everyone around me with what I wanted. (I was too immature in my faith to realize that God was actually maturing me, not tormenting me!)
The psalmist didn't wallow in comparison for long. He went on to say,
“Then I went into your sanctuary, O God. ... I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant—I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.”
When the psalmist finally saw the bitterness in his heart after entering the presence of the Lord, he said, "I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever" (vv. 25-26, NLT). I really had to wrestle with that. Was God actually enough?
Then the thought came to me, What if God never gives me a husband or a good job? Can I still live a contented life, knowing that He alone satisfies? I cringed, because the answer was a resounding no. And I'm sure I felt physically ill just thinking about that scenario. But I asked the Lord to help me, to show me that He really is the only One who can satisfy. And do you know what? He did help me. I even reached the point of being OK if God never gave me the things I wanted, because I really did want Him most of all.
Of course, that change didn't happen overnight. It took awhile. And it didn't happen just by me asking the Lord for help. There were some practical steps I knew I had to take if I wanted to have a fighting chance in the comparison battle. More of that next time!