“1 Lord, my heart is not proud;
my eyes are not haughty.
I don’t concern myself with matters too great
or too awesome for me to grasp.
2 Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself,
like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk.
Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.
3 O Israel, put your hope in the Lord—
now and always.”
I've read this psalm dozens of times before, but I never quite understood what it meant until just recently. I was reading Tim Keller's devotional "The Songs of Jesus," and Psalm 131 was the passage for the day. Keller wrote in response to the psalm, "A nursing child, held by its mother, is highly aware of the milk she can offer and will squirm and cry if denied. A child who has been 'weaned' (verse 2), however, and no longer nurses, is content to just be with its mother, enjoying her closeness and love without wanting anything else."
Keller goes on to write, "We so often approach God only for what he can give, rather than simply to rest in his presence."
I'm so guilty of this. In seasons when I'm anxiously waiting for an answer to prayer, I bring my need before the Lord daily, sometimes even multiple times in a day. And that's not wrong — God tells us to bring our requests to Him: "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need" (Phil. 4:6). But it's easy for me to become so focused on God meeting my need that I view Him as a Genie who's supposed to grant my wishes and not as my Father who wants a relationship with me.
One of the biggest signs that my relationship with God is no longer a priority, and instead getting His gifts is, is when my attitude shifts from trust to resentment. When I'm resting in my Father's loving heart toward me, I can more easily trust Him with the details of my situation. Then, with a trusting heart, I can enjoy His presence in perfect peace, knowing that He's working in ways I can't see. But when I focus on that unanswered prayer, on what I think I'm "owed," I grow fearful, resentful, entitled, and angry that He hasn't given me what I want. I read the Bible less, pray less, and spend less time talking to Him throughout the day. I go from wanting Him to wanting what He can give me.
In Psalm 73, the psalmist moaned and groaned about the prosperity of the wicked, how the wicked had everything and yet he, a believer in God, couldn't catch a break. But his tune completely changed when he entered the presence of the Lord and contemplated God's eternal promises. He said, "I desire you more than anything on earth. ... How good it is to be near God!" (vv. 25, 28).
How good it is to be near God! He is the reward, not what He gives us. And as we spend time with Him just because of who He is, we'll notice our hearts and our attitudes start to change. And when God finally does come through with that long-awaited answer to prayer, we won't feel like it was owed us, but instead we'll know that our good Father loves us enough to give us far more than we deserve.
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